The sad fact being, though, I am incapable of preventing this from occurring (I mean, what, me being an inanimate object and all). This could (and probably WILL) lead to my abandonment and death far away from home.....and this moron thinks Triple-A-Plus will make everything OK. I just get baaaaad visions of me being washed ashore by The Pacific Ocean tides onto some beach in Coos Bay, or some shit like that.....
As this Wankshaft's buddy often says, "No good can come of this......"
What was I thinking? I shoulda stayed with my former owner....a nice overpaid computer geek homeowner in the lovely suburb of Tiggard, Oregon who somehow got his wife preggers and then promised her that he'd get rid of me once their kid was born. Puts me on Craigslist.org last autumn, and some wankshaft comes along and buys me for the pittance of $1400!!!
Said wankshaft then proceeds to drive me relentlessly all over Hell's half-acre (this moron actually rode me all the way to Seattle and back.......it was like that movie dumb and dumbest except he was by himself and I go well above freeway speeds)..........
..........and now, in the middle of hallucinations and delusions, both brought on by a serious fever/influenza.......he thinks he's gonna do an oil change and a spark plug replacement, clean out my crankcase breather and oil filtre, and take me down the coast to the Bay Area to meet his siblings for a day or two!
HOW do I manage to get involved with this shit?? Why am I still not with the computer yuppie who could actually afford to take me to the fucking Honda dealer for service?? WHY did he sell me to this wankshaft?
SHIT!! Garage door is opening......here he comes.......better shut down the computer before some improbable questions start being asked.