Right, so given that -

A) - I've PUT OFF (NOT ignored) this blog for far too long.

B) - I have got MOST of the things in my new life set up (LONG STORY....but you won't wait too long to hear it) and things are FINALLY starting to slow down a little bit (not much, though).

C) - I've got a bottle of French red vino, and a packet of Japanese cigarettes, and nowhere to go......

It's time to post!

OK, so where was I.....

RIGHT: THAILAND......OK......

Right, so, always looking to run away from the out-of-control party town that is Hải Phòng, I had been in touch with a friend of mine I had known since grade school that I hadn't seen since I last resided in Buffalo (2004 - a.k.a.: "The Hell Year"). My friend was touring throughout Asia for one year and was ensconced for an entire month in what he described as his own personal slice of heaven. This was a place called Pattaya.

My friend had invited me to hop over there to visit him, since he was planning to head to Japan to study Japanese for three months and might not make it to Hai Phong or anywhere in Vietnam. I had never heard of Pattaya, but had looked it up, saw that it was on a beach, and hey - sounded good to me!

So I had found a special on Vietnam Airlines from Hanoi to Bangkok for 2,500,000VND (like, $143USD) including taxes round-trip. Sounded good to me, booked the flight, and took a three-day weekend.

Booked a "deluxe sea view room" (highest level room) at something called the Baboona Beach hotel for $61.00 USD a night. Booked it for two nights, in case I wanted to get the hell outta there and hit Bangkok for the third night - a city I spent a few days in back in April, 2008 and I kinda enjoyed Bangkok, actually.

Got to Bangkok Suvarnabhumi airport, and was gonna catch a bus to Pattaya (about 106 kilometres South of the airport) for 126 Thai Baht (like, $4.00USD) but was offered a private air-conditioned car and driver by some guy waiting outside the airport for 700 Baht (like, twenty buxx). Threw caution to the wind, and ended up taking the deal and getting to Pattaya nicely, quickly and comfortably! Although the bus has got A/C and I'm sure it's nice....but fuck it - I'm on vacay - sooo......

Pattaya itself?

Well, the hotel room had a wonderful balcony view....and the balcony was great. I did enjoy the balcony....OH! OH!! OH - did I mention the balcony??

Seriously.....it was an allright hotel, but not the glorious 28-plus square metres they were talking about......was quite a small room. But through the magic of website photography, it appeared absolutely palatial....I mean, I captured the entire width of the room in the pic below -

Well.....the Gin 'n Tonics on the balcony in the evening were nice......

So, time to catch up with my friend! Now, there are no known DETAILED geographic maps of Pattaya on the 'Net...they're all vague, no scale of kilometres and show major streets only. So I figger that I'll be about a ten minute walk to my friend's hotel and I'll be all set....

.....nothing like walking in a sunny, humid 94-degree day hotter than a fucking sauna for , like, 45 minutes. I thought this was a normal beach resort town and everything's a hop, skip and a jump away.

Nope....it is a MAJOR city....about the same population as the City of Buffalo....300,000 or so.....

Get there finally, and my friend's living in the equivalent of a furnished and Wi-Fi equipped one-bedroom pad on a street about a 10-minute walk to the beach......

....12,000 Baht a month. Thass 325 buxx to you and I.....

So, we kill several pints and agree to meet up with a few of his Falong [foreigner] buds at 9pm. I say the hell with walking back and I catch a Baht Bus going kinda towards the direction of my hotel. A Baht Bus is this pickup truck that has a canopy with benches in the back of the bed that runs around on a certain pre-established route. There are THOUSANDS of them roaming the streets of Pattaya, and the fare is like, 20 Baht.....or 55 cents. Fine by me......




















Pattaya Baht Buses....

It was HOT and extremely humid, so I got off of the Baht Bus somewhere near my hotel and ran to the 7-11 (which, I DO mean LITERALLY, dot EVERY corner in Thailand) and, 'cause it was way too hot and humid to drink beer, I got a bottle of gin, some tonic water and what APPEARED to be limes (which, in Thailand and Vietnam, they call “lemons”......I don't ask).

Well....I THOUGHT they were limes......




Nope!! They're Goddamm TANGERINES with GREEN peels on 'em....WTF?


Went down to the lobby to get a glass, some ice, and a knife to cut my "limes" into wedges (this was before I actually examined the fuckers and found out that they were really tangerines). The lady gave me the glass and the ice, and said with a smile - “Please bring whatever you need cut down here.” - “Errmmm......OK......but I can cut it. No worries, I don't hafta be waited on hand and foot.” - “No, for your safety, we do not allow knives to be brought up to the rooms.”

.........SERIOUS Jerry Brown look on my face.......

My friend, his British buds and I caught up again at 9PM....and went to explore the seedier side of Pattaya. Actually, that statement is incorrect - ALL of Pattaya is the seedy side. The challenge is locating the NICE side.....

EVERY girl (and also every boy dressed as a girl - and there are A LOT of "ladyboys") is for sale in the city of Pattaya.....I mean, just a Goddamm girl dressed normally, sitting at McDonald's eating - you go up to her and say "How much?" and she'll respond "Long-Time or Short-Time?"

The entire city is basically a cesspool of drunken sin and debauchery! It's not a beautiful city by any means, and Pattaya exists only for and because of the sex trade. I never did hit the beach here because I was told by the locals not to swim in the water because of possible sewage dumping (and it's so hot and humid, the sewage LITERALLY is smelled on the street coming from the underground sewers!!).

Nice sunsets, though, as pictured above.....but I really couldn't stand Pattaya.....so on my last day, I ducked out early and headed to Bangkok.....mauled American chili and chicken wings and several Margaritas at my favourite pub in the Sukhumvit district and retired at The President Solitaire Hotel....and was just glad to be the hell outta Pattaya!

Came to Thailand and got what I wanted and did what I had to do. It was nice – because the Thais have some wealth (relative to the rest of SouthEast Asia), they are eating a bit more Western and, thusly, are becoming a bit porky (again, relative to the rest of SouthEast Asia).

I mean, the Vietnamese are fucking TWIGS......so I cannot find anything in terms of clothing to fit my big American ass!! Nothing even CLOSE to sizes that I wear!! Here, though, because of the huge numbers of Western tourists and the ever-increasing waistlines of the Thais, I DID find things that fit me like shorts and ESPECIALLY sandals and slippers in a size 13 (NO WAY could I find those ANYWHERE in Vietnam).....and I was NEVER, EVER so happy to see a Subway restaurant in my life as I was in Pattaya!!

GOOD thing I got out of there before the semi-annual revolutions take place.....

Random blatherings on various updates in my life in Vietnam before Sunday the 17th.....really, I mean this.....so look for it on about the 19th or so, since I'm on Vietnamese Time now....

-E-