"Dooomb Fucking Yankee"!!!!

The above expression I had heard whilst I was driving in Victoria, British Columbia many moons ago with a girl I had once lived with. It was a warm summers day, and the white Ford Econoline van next to me had screeched to a halt due to a rather bone-headed driving maneuver by the person in front of him, who happened to have Washington State plates on his vehicle! The Gordie operator of said Econoline had stated the title of this chapter quite expressively to display his displeasure at the antics of the American driver directly in front of him......

.....it also could be utilised to describe some of the adventures that your humble narrator has been on over the past week.....

• My friends and "family" here were screaming at me when I told them how much I paid for my skooter.
  

"WHAT?? NO! NO! Khong!! Khong!! That skooter cost 8 Million Dong!"

"Errmm....no, it cost me 11 Million!"

"NO!! I cannot believe you!! That is an 8 Million Dong skooter!! So sad :-( "

"Errrmmm.....I offered the guy 9 mill, and he stated clearly and unequivocally 'Khong!!' and then let me walk away!!! I came back two days later and offered 11 Million, down from his 11.5, for it!!"

"When you go buy, who go with you?"

"Errmm....jes' me and Jerry The Gordie.....why?"

All hands slapped foreheads almost in unison.

"Why you not bring Vietnamese with you????!!!!!!???"

"Errrmmm.....'cause none were available, and I really didn't wish to bother anybody, sooo......"

(repeat hand-slap-to-forehead by Vietnamese)

Tam said: "Ernie - You must take me with you when you go out to do things such as this! Or another Vietnamese.....someone amongst us will be honoured to go with you and will ALWAYS make time to do so......I always worry about you when you go out alone. You must not be so independent."

Obviously, she don't know me very well......

"Tam, look, please - I take care of shit on my own, and I really dislike putting anybody off! PLEASE, do not worry about me!!"

I would hear the same thing about getting a flat tyre fixed by some guy on the street corner ("WHAT???!!?? You give them 100,000 to repair you flat??? Why you not call us??? You should pay no more than 50,000 Dong!!" - "Errrmm.....because it was 11 O'Clock at night, and the guy tossed me a couple of beers on the cuff......")

And before ANYBODY starts bitching about my spelling again.....








So THERE!!!! :-P

• Rode my skooter to Ha Noi (Hanoi) last Saturday after finishing last week's posting. 208 Kilometres (like, 125 miles) round-trip on something that can easily fit into your closet is an experience! Still, though.....again, the thing MOVES!!!! Moves to the extent that I had a rather cavalier attitude towards the mandated velocity maximum and I cruised to Ha Noi in under 90 minutes (whereas, actually following the speed limits gets you there in about two hours).

Went to the Old Quarter (Hoan Kiem) of Ha Noi, got lost for two hours trying to find the Blue Sky Hotel (see post of April, 2008) and, upon arrival, was told it was 300,000 Dong for what they showed me was a room maybe half as nice as the one I stayed in back in April there.

"Errrmmm.....I stayed in here in April in room 202 and dropped 200,000 per night!!!"

"That was last year......"

"Uhhhh.....honey?? Inflation really shouldn't jump 33% in nine months!! Particularly during an economic recession."

(insert Jerry Brown look on the receptionist's face here)

So I stayed seven blocks away (still in the Old Quarter) at the Old Street Hotel......same price - nicer room - better attitude!

Hung out and had a few beers on the Hoan Kiem lakefront, went into a bar in a hotel that for some reason, had a video slot machine parlour in it (I would find out later that only hotels that are given four-star or higher ratings are allowed to have video slot machines in them....and, also, only tay [foreign passport holders] are allowed access to them). Walked out one hundred U.S. Dollars richer and went back to the hotel.

Next day, I saw a mom-and-pop DVD shop on the street. But they had such titles as "Gran Turino", "Slumdog Millionaire", "Milk" and others!!!!

"Wow!!" I thought to myself. "These folks must have some serious connections to be able to get these films on DVD for sale before even Blockbuster Video has them!!!!!"

And I walked out with a DVD of "Gran Turino" for the ridiculously high price of 15,000 Dong......

................

................

.....errrmmm......thass 87 U.S. cents (or $1.04 Gordie).



For SOME reason, I don't think that Clint Eastwood is losing sleep regarding his fiscal stability over my purchase last weekend......

Basically - you is gonna buy something in Viet Nam or China?? ALWAYS ASSUME that it's gonna be a pirate copy! Literally......as opposed to the high-quality original that I had purchased, shown below -





But I DID find the Hanoi Hilton.......here it is -

• Got my cell fone nicked on Thursday Night. Dunno how, where or when (fell outta my pocket whilst I was riding? Snatched outta my backpack?? Dunno.....), but it wasn't lost - it got nicked. THEN, looked at my skooter when I got home, and saw that the two screws that fit the front plastic piece onto the frame ALSO got nicked!!
  

Found that to be slightly irritating, but for some reason, my shit's calm here! Can't figure out why, seriously!!

I mean, had that happened in The States, I woulda hunted the guy down and probably killed him......

Then, turned on one of my laptops for the first time in a couple days ( a record for me), and found out about the plane crash in Clarence Center..........

......suddenly, my petty little problems weren't irritating anymore......



I'm off to bed....gonna go see Cement Hai Phong take on the Cong (Army team) in a VFF match tomorrow.


More soon....

-E-