Tuesday, January 20, 2009


(part deux)

Now, leaving Brooklyn, through to Montreal, and then to Western New York, I stopped and enjoyed the usual hospitality befitting a monarch provided to me by my best friends parents and spiritual advisers, Judy and The Doctor, in their lakefront estate in Wilson, New York. It is most likely because of their kind gift of a Native American fetish necklace that they overnight mailed to me the day before I left for Asia, that I managed to control the skooter at 70+ M.P.H. during a rear tyre blowout in the middle of South Dakota, escaping possible death and even road rash!

Thank you both!!

I should also thank the Seneca Niagara Casino and Hotel for tossing me five free nights in their hotel.....but......Christ.....they took enuff of my money, sooo........


Shortly after that, a mellow yet fun weekend stay with my goombas Parker and Banker at the beachfront cottage on Lake Huron provided by my friend Binkley and his beautiful wife, the lovely Donna, really set me right and had me ready for the long ride back home to Portlandia. Thanx, guys!


Ma and Cowboy in the Black Hills of South Dakota are always there for me with very hearty food, beers, and great conversation whenever I'm in West River (the Western part of South Dakota). Next time I'm in town - Cowboy's gotta drag me to one of the neighbourhood Friday Night Hold 'em nights! A huge thank you to you both for always extending your hospitality whenever I randomly pull up to your front door unannounced!!

I also want to thank Wrong Parts Jackson! A guy who always has a place for me to stay in Rapid City, and is always at the ready to kick my ass at billiards or darts. And his lovely ex, Dede! Both always ensure that I have an absolute riot when I'm in Rapid City! Thank you both so much!!


Usually, you can suss out the true souls from the drinking buddies amongst your friends during times of serious adversity. Such was the case when, on what I thought would be a mellow and easy cruise to Denver from Rapid City, the skooter decided to absolutely and totally fry the clutch!! Got towed to a Honda dealership on East Colfax, and my ex-cousin-in-law, Darryn, drives from his pad (more than 30 miles outside of Denver), comes and fetches me and tells me to make his house my own for as long as I wish!!

This would prove very handy, as the dealership took five business days to receive the parts to repair the Helix, and Darryn even drove me to Union Station in Downtown Denver to grab to train to Reno to meet my mum forra few days of gambling!

I say "ex-cousin-in-law"......thass bullshit. Actually, he is (and always will be) part of the family! Whether he likes it or not!!


Finally, thanx to Schumann, The Toth, V and Buannan for meeting me upon my finale at Rockaway Beach, Oregon for the coming home party! Probably one of the most memorable evenings of my life! The Toth, you must dance more!!!


Again, it's EVERYBODY I have mentioned in this acknowledgment that made this ride possible!! And I beg forgiveness if I have omitted any one at all (please E-Mail me and tell me if I have slighted you). I mean, these people were driving me to and from various skooter repair shops in various foreign cities, allowing me to crash on their couches, their spare bedrooms, feeding me and forcing various evil alcoholic beverages down my throat.

THESE PEOPLE really are what the story written in this blog is all about.......


Shit......I just was lucky enuff to ride an incredible machine around the perimeter of this great continent! I really didn't do anything.......

......I was just along for the ride!


So, my perspectives of the ride?

OK....first off......SHIT!!!!! Did I really DO THIS????

Literally? I am still in disbelief....12,000-plus miles???!?!!

OK...let's be honest.....Yeah, it was amazing. But after I hit ten thousand miles, it literally began to seem like drudgery. I just wanted to git home. The first three thousand miles were filled with adrenaline-rushed amazement....

.....after that?? It wore a teeny bit thin.......

.......then, the next seven thousand miles were a lot of fun. Not hyper-fist-pumping-amazing...but pretty cool nonetheless.

But by the time I hit Rapid City, I just wanted to git my ass home thee quickest and soonest way!

After that, when the clutch fried in Commerce City, Colorado......I wondered aloud the title of this blog - "WHAT the hell was I thinking??????!!!???"

But The Helix made it.

Being a Geographer, it's one thing to look at a map, but entirely another to actually SEE FIRSTHAND this mammoth landmass we refer to as North America. I mean, it's a lot bigger in person than it looks on a map.

I know - that's trite and hackneyed, but shit.....that's the truth and that is the way it is!!!

I really hope you had a laff reading this, and that it was just as much fun to read as it was for me to write.....

Thank you,


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