Well.....I THOUGHT that I was prepared.....

......I mean, hell - I'd seen The Holy Trinity of Indian flims ("Ghandi", "Outsourced" and "Slumdog Millionaire")......so I thought that I was good to go!


Errmmm.......no.....


OK, well, as mentioned in the previous communique, I hadta flee Vietnam by AIR ONLY to get a new visa!! I had picked India because it was a bizarre and very exotic culture and plus airfares there were cheap! Now, AirAsia was ofering thee same cheap fare to ALL it's destinations in India! Well, I just hadta figgger out which one I was gonna go check out!


Well, I had a choice between Mumbai, Kolkata, Chennai, Trivandrum, Bangalore, Hydrabad (sp??) And some other city who's name I had forgotten (I *THINK* it was called "Trichy" or something like that....but it didn't sound easy....just a bit tricky!).

I had immediately nixed Mumbai, Kolkata and Chennai because I hate over-crowded mega cities (a mega-city is any city with a population over 3 million) in ANY country and I already live in an over-crowded mega-city in a developing country so I wasn't really up to seeing what the Indian version of Hai Phong would look like.


ALMOST did go to Bangalore because I really really wanted to go visit a call center and see the guy who I would talk to about problems with my Capital One credit card....you know, the guy who sounded like Apu from "The Simpsons" and who told you his name was "Peter" whose call center was in "Utah"......


.....I just wanted to swing by and ask "Peter" if he thought that The Jazz had a good chance of overcoming Portland and Denver and taking the Northwest Division title this season, thass all.


But, for the million or so "Peters" who imported lucrative call-center jobs from The United States, life has been good.....good to the point where it (as well as I.T.) has made Bangalore one of India's most expensive cities! This was reflected in the hotel prices....which prompted me to give Bangalore a pass this time round.....


Hydrabad? Not a big fan of any place whose name begins or ends in "bad" (which takes out Pakistan and about half of Germany for me)....and I had never heard of "Trichy" which I recall meaning either dodgy or a parasitical worm.....so I had decided on Trivandrum!


I was ready for this town - I have competed in Pub Quizzes on three continents, so I had the Triv part covered! and Rum? Well, shit....place a Pina Colada or a Mojito in front of me and watch how long it lasts! So, I was satisfied and excited to visit a place called TrivAndRum.....


So, I was done in Malaysia (and deeply wished I coulda had just another 2 days to go see Malaysia's only casino, SE Asia's biggest amusement park, the Petronas Twin Towers.....and a coupla other things) and was in a stare-down with a 2AM wake-up call and was gonna see who flinched first. I prepared for this by staying up 'till 11PM drinking a six'er of Tiger......the two AM wake-up call would flinch.......I would pay.


So woke up at 2AM (and felt literally like a zombie for the next 20 hours), jumped a cab to KL Sentral station, grabbed a bus for less than 3 bucks for the 35 mile ride to the airport and got there an hour later for my 6AM flight to Trivandrum!


Decent flight, and the plane landed at an airport that made Cat Bi in Hai Phong look absolutely luxurious by comparison. It was funny - we had to wait for the Immigration guys to run to the desks when we got there (because there are only a couple International flights there per week).


Got out of the airport and saw a buncha soldiers guiding us out the door whilst toting those scary-ass looking machine guns with all the holes in the barrel (to cool it off) that looks like it can wipe out an entire platoon. I'll always tell a TSA toadie to go fuck himself if he or she gits outta line.....but these people had that "fuck-with-me-and-I'll-shoot-you-a-new-orifice" look on their faces......


Really weird leaving the airport....NOTHING built up at all!! A few houses amongst the palm trees and one ATM machine and thass it. No hotels, restaurants, mom-and-pop stores....nothing. Creepy.


Booked everything at home before departure. Found Trivandrum City's hotels to be severely over-priced for India, so I accidentally stumbled upon a place that said it was close to a beach. I am always a big fan of close to a beach. Then I found out that this hotel was in a place called Varkala Beach......which happens to sit about 40 miles NORTH of Trivandrum City.


I figgered why the hell not, booked the place via E-Mail and got a one bedroom apartment for 1700 Rupees per night.....about $40USD.


Grabbed a rickshaw outside the front gate of the airport and was gonna pay 100 Rupees (two-buck-fiddy, maybe) for a four-mile ride to the Train Station and grab a train to Varkala Beach......but let the guy driving talk me into 600 Rupees to take me all the way to Varkala Beach. Talked with an Australian couple later who took the train and said the fare to Varkala Beach was 25 Rupees (fiddy cent). I was incensed until they told me that I was wise to take the rickshaw because "......a sardine in a tin has more room than a human on that train does..."

A line of rickshaws in Varkala Beach....

The rich, Corinthian Leather interior......a Lux Interior.....

Scary, wet ride in a downpour from Trivandrum airport to Varkala Beach...


So, an hour-an-a-half later, we get to a village (which I presume to be Varkala village) and my rickshaw driver doesn't know where the Shiva Gardens Homestay.  Nor do I!  He asks somebody at a shop who doesn't know, I then ask to borrow the driver's cell fone (to call the place), but he claims that he doesn't have one.  I slooowwwllly get the idea that he's had enuff of the long ride and 600 rupees wasn't terribly to his liking and that he just wants ta dump my ass and git back on home to Trivandrum!  So, I hop outta the rickshaw and walk down a muddy path (that I guess functions as a street) and ask a few people about the Shiva Gardens......no dice - never heard of it.

About a quarter mile later, I reach the end of the muddy path (passing some newer construction and a bunch of backpacker-type hotels and the odd [what passes here for a] "resort" along the sides of this path) and end up on a rather nice beach!  


"Hmmmm.....can deal with this" I thought to myself!


Not to be.....


I showed the E-Mail printout to a few people along the way:  "Ahhh....yes yes....North Cliff district!  OK, you go up these stairs (pointing to this endless-ass Earthen staircase) and then go left....walk for a while, then you in North Cliff area!"


"Errmmm....ahhhh.....so, ahhhh, The Shiva Gardens ISN'T in this area with an easy walk to a nice beach?"


"No no!  It is up there Sir!"  (points to this ledge-looking place about a mile or so from where we are).


Joy.....


So, I walk the Stairway-To-Heaven and, at the top, cross a small parking lot that doubles as a staging area for old Ambassador taxicabs and rickshaws and also operates as Varkala's heliport.....

....and past the hospital where The Government takes care of Nature -

So, when I git to the end of the car park/taxi-and-rickshaw stand/Heliport, I see a really neat little village of shops and bungalows and nice little well-kept hotels....cooooolio........

"Well!" I thought excitedly - "I can easily deal with this......."


......or not......


LITERALLY NOBODY had heard of The Shiva Gardens!  It had been going on about two-plus hours of walking around now, and my backpack was getting heavy.  I was just about to say "Screw it!!" and grab one of these cute little hotel rooms right on the cliff (I didn't pre-pay the Shiva Gardens....but was reaaallly leery of bad Karma should I decide to stiff 'em) when I finally found one guy who was like - "Uhhh....yes yes - you go by the CD music shop, then turn left and through the little pathway past the small marketplace and Shiva Garden back there....."


...and, about a kilometre later, in the middle of the Jungle, I found The Shiva Gardens.


Ya gotta understand - places here do NOT have detailed addresses like - "Jones Hotel, 123 Anystreet Lane.....right off the corner of Anystreet Lane and Bumblefuk Road next to the Library"


Noooo....I got -

Shiva Garden
North Cliff
Kurakkanni
Varkala
Trivandrum District
Kerala
India 


Uh-huh......




Now, I can't say enough about the owner and staff here - AMAZINGLY FRIENDLY folk.......but, I mean, their website did a great sales job.  Check it - http://www.varkalahomestay.com/




Now, ".....perched near a majestic red cliff...." led towards very liberal interpretation of the word "near".....and I loved the Al Fresco dining - 

Now, I was NOT in the mood for Posh de la Posh resort accommodations........but I wasn't really expecting this degree of roughing it.....


Still, though - the one-bedroom apartment WAS INDEED spotless and quite cozy.....

...but being in a tropical jungle almost on the Equator...there were some weird-ass looking bugs!  I was a bit freaked....was expecting to see some nasty bizarre tropical jungle insect that had the body of a crab and the head of a social worker attack me on my way to my room.....


Owner and staff again were amazing - the owner (the guy on the right in the pic below) hacked my bill to a flat one thousand Rupees per night (meebee $22USD) because it had rained the entire two days I was there!  

But, vegging on a cliff-front restaurant with several ice-cold Kingfishers, and enjoying some AMAZING curry....well....all was well with the world.....

*************************


Few more pics.......

Saw several women HARD AT WORK on a construction site (whilst the menfolk were kinda lingering about)....hadta snap this pic of this one lady and admire  the dexterity displayed of balancing that big-ass basket on her head.....

"Back in a bit, Honey...just gonna take the cow forra walk...."

Veggin' while waiting for a rainstorm to pass and enjoying a few cocktails at a restaurant while watching a cliff-side fish barbecue........

....prolly grilling this fresh-caught Marlin.....

The dodgy-looking stairwell to the beach from North Cliff.   WAS gonna head down there after a few pints, but it had been raining all day, and when ya git to be MY age....and ya got a wife and kid, and....and.....shit - running outta excuses here......

Local artist selling hand-screened T-Shirts......THIS was some impressive stuff.....








After two days of rain in Varkala Beach, I took off back to Trivandrum (exactly when the rains stopped and the sun came out and it got hot).  Caught a rickshaw to the train station and hopped a train.


I remember seeing scenes in the Holy Trinity of Indian flicks (Slumdog Millionaire and Outsourced) showing these people literally hanging offa moving trains and thinking - "Cute, guys....niiiice exaggeration....real funny....."


Uh-huh.....

Trivandrum City itself was really disappointing.  A friend of mine had told me that - "They really don't have restaurants on the street in India as we know them.  You can't just go inside and grab a table and git waited on and eat!  You order and take it away and that's all there is there!" 


Yeah....suuurrre....OK...whatever.


Well, he was right!  There was NOTHING of ANY sort of amusement in Trivandrum City....restaurants, cinemas, pubs, this, that....whatever....nothing.  Walked all over the city forra 'bout a good four hours......nothing.   Nice people......nothing really to do......nothing of any interest to shoot pics of....so I just went back to my hotel and crashed, as I had a 7AM flight out the next morning.....






For further reading - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Varkala


Next - getting Slung into Singapore.....




-E-