Addendum to the FAQ's section below....

Shit....almost forgot about this one.....survey says it's the number one answer, too.....

In regards to the question

- What pisses you off most during this whole adventure?

I forgot thee number one answer.....so here it is -

It is when absolutely positively ignorant morons call my skooter a "moped". I used to have a co-worker who did this every fucking day - "So, E.....did you ride your moped into work today" Christ on a fucking bike....

Right.....

So, for further review, this is a skooter:













Got it??? Good....OK, nowwwww........

.....THIS is a MOPED:




OK??? I mean, for Christ's sake....it IS NOT rocket science......

You'll be quizzed later.....

-E-

Allright.....now, for the FAQ's.....


Thee are the most frequently asked questions that strangers and friends and others have asked me during this adventure -


- You rode THAT from Portland (most frequently asked by U.S. Customs agents)??????????

Yes, I did. Here's my passport.


- How many miles per gallon do you git on that thing?

Depends – If I'm on a mellow cruise on a back road doing 45 to 65 M.P.H., I get about 60 miles per gallon or so. If I'm going balls-out on an Interstate doing 65 to 75 M.P.H., it drops down to around fiddy miles per gallon.


- How fast can it go?

It can go around 75 M.P.H. - however, given that it's 22 years old and I've slammed almost 20,000 hard miles on it since I bought it less than two years ago, it's now pushing only 68 M.P.H. as its top speed, as the engine compression is fading due to the excessive beating I've placed on The Helix.....


- Where do you sleep? Do you camp out?

I really have zero room for camping gear (given all that I've brought with me), so I go to truck stops and, usually, at the front door, they'll have little magazine racks of free motel discount coupon magazines that'll give you shit like Knights Inn of Kokomo, Indiana for, like, $29.95 per night. So thass usually what I do. When I'm in a location where I have friends or family, I'll crash at their place, as you have seen most of them pictured on the blog.


- Whass up with the hair??

I just decided, after I resigned from my fulfilling and satisfying job and left for China and Vietnam on April 7th, that I'm not going to cut my hair until I get back home to Portlandia in the first week of August! Thass all.


- What pisses you off most during this whole adventure?

Six things, actually.

A) - If I hear someone say “Ora-gAAAAn” one more time, I swear, I'm gonna lose it.

B) - Ethanol-laced gasoline!

C) - People who WILL NOT negotiate on motel prices, even though it's a Wednesday Night and their Goddamm car park is DEAD EMPTY!

D) - Thee TOTAL lack of availability of Honda CN250/Helix parts at actual, official Honda Powersports dealers.

E) - Dunlop/Goodyear Tire Corporation.

F) - Wind and the lack of trees West of the 100th Meridian to shield me from said wind.


- Have you been pulled over by the police at all on this adventure?

Naw....Helix doesn't go fast enuff. And if I'm in a speed-limited area, I don't ride like an asshole.


- What was your (favourite/worst) place on this trip?

Thass not fair. I met A LOT of good people on this ride......and I really can't say that any one place was thee best part of the trip or thee worst part of the ride. The entire ride really opened my eyes. For example, as much as I criticise the people residing between Pennsylvania and Nevada about their social values and mores and their tendency to vote for people like Bush and Republicans in general.....

.....when the chips are down, THESE are the folks you'd really want in your corner. They are ALWAYS the first to offer assistance. A lot more so than people in so-called “progressive/blue” states. Plus, they're genuinely a lot of fun to hang out with.....


- Do you always wear a helmet?

Oh fuck YEAH!!! NO WAY do I ride without one, even in states where a helmet isn't required. Makes for reeeaaalllly bad helmet-hair when I'm done with the day's ride, though.......


- Did you run into any disasters/nightmares on this adventure?

Well....depends on what you exactly define as a disaster or a nightmare. Truthfully, I've been waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay lucky on this ENTIRE ride. Seriously, I really, really have been!

I can't define losing my GPS unit in Delray Beach, Florida as a disaster/nightmare, as it can always be replaced. I also can't define frying the clutch on The Helix as a disaster/nightmare either. Simply because, again, I got very, very lucky that the clutch gave up the ghost in the suburbs of Denver, where I have several friends and wasn't gonna hafta drop $300-plus on staying at a motel for six days whilst the parts got shipped in and my skooter got repaired! Hitting a bird that flew into my windscreen sucked big time (for both, me and the bird), but it wasn't a disaster/nightmare either ('cept for the poor bird). But I still don't like to think about that.....

The only thing that comes close to being a disaster/nightmare was Pierre, South Dakota. Between almost dying on the road due to a defective tyre, the general attitude of the Honda/Yamaha/Sheep-Lemming dealer there, and the worst hailstorm I have EVER seen in my life.....well, that's about as close to a disaster/nightmare as I have come on this trip.

And that part really sucks, because the people of Pierre, South Dakota were nothing but exemplary folk!

It's just the way the dice rolled, I guess.....



OK, now....thee strangest question I've been asked on this trip.....

Crossing into Niagara Falls, Ontario, on my way to Lake Huron, I was asked the following by a Canadian Customs agent -

.....quote - unquote....

"So, where do you keep your concealed weapon?"

Now, this was a DDG (Drop Dead Gorgeous) Customs Inspectress asking me this. I had a LOT of answers rolling around in my mind.....but I finally settled with -

"Errrmmm....I generally don't carry firearms at all....much less when I'm crossing an International Border......."

She smiled and waived me through.

Was gonna ask forra fone number (something that I literally NEVER do).....but thought better of that idea....plus given my track record with Canadian women, well.......




-E-

Days Eighty Eight and Eighty Nine.....

"Reno was an aimless girl, a Geographic memory...."
The Nails
88 Lines About 44 Women



Thank Christ Amtrak was late as per usual.....this enabled me to get five hours of sleep instead of just three.

Train was two hours late getting into Denver on Saturday Morning (got in at 9:45am instead of the scheduled 7:15am).....which was just fine by me.

Had a very scenic (albeit long) train ride and cruised into Reno only three hours behind schedule.





























I have almost no issues with Amtrak. POSSIBLY their on-time arrival stats, but still, anybody with a brain KNOWS that you do not take the train in the U.S. if you actually want to get somewhere at or near an exact time. Plus, factor in WHY they're constantly late - Amtrak, you see, is at thee very bottom of the ladder when it comes to rail priority. Freight trains always will blow by whilst you're sitting on a parked Amtrak train.

(Personally, I think this is bullshit, as originally, back in the 1800's, the United States Government GAVE the railroad barons the land for them to construct their railroads for free.....so since the U.S. Government [kinda] owns Amtrak, I feel that Amtrak trains should be given priority.....ESPECIALLY since the lost time in delays for freight trains would almost be negligible based on the fact of how few Amtrak trains there actually ARE running out there!)

But thass neither here nor there.....

But yeah, I have no issues with Amtrak. For some reason, they seated me in the differently-abled section of the train. Having two full stretch-out seats to myself.....well, who was I to complain?













Do you reeeaaallly think that's cranberry juice in that bottle?

Made it to Reno three hours late on Sunday afternoon at 1:30PM. No biggie.....I hafta meet my mum TOMORROW night, so I wasn't in a huge hurry to git here.

More later....

-E-

Days Eighty Two thru Eighty Seven....

Things to do in Denver when You're (skooter is) Dead.....

Man, at least Odysseus' boat didn't die in Commerce City......

Left the uneventful evening in Sidney, Nebraska on Tuesday Morning the 22nd of July. Ready to hit the easy 163-mile ride into Denver, I cruised the backroads into Fort Morgan, Colorado, when I was forced to join up with Interstate 76 for the last 75 miles into Denver proper.

I was seriously psyched to see my Colorado Rockies play the Dodgers Tuesday Night AND Wednesday Afternoon before taking off from Denver Thursday Morning for the ride to Reno to meet my mum, as I had bought my mum a birthday present of a flight to Reno for July 28th, and I had planned to meet her there!

Errmmm.........naw.

Got into Commerce City, Colorado, about five miles outside of Denver, and thought to myself - "Breeeeze.....almost in! Hit TJ's and I'm set and me, Darryn, and T will be at Coors Field in no time"!!!

Then.....

"Hmmm......The Helix is making a weird noise.....kinda like a whining sound......errmm......"

"Hmmm....now, the engine is roaring beautifully......but the skooter does NOT appear to be progressing forward......hmmm......"

Well, The Helix revved beautifully.....but there was a lack of communication between the engine and the drivetrain.

EVENTUALLY got AAA to come rescue me from the 105-degree heat/no-shade area and get The Helix JUST BEFORE 6PM (when they locked the doors) to a Honda service centre on East Colfax and Quebec iin Denver. THANK CHRIST we barely made it on time. These guys were severe douche bags, and I foned them twice, and they were ADAMANT that they are all out the fucking door at 5:59:59pm.....ZERO exceptions!

If you know ANYTHING about Denver, you DO NOT leave ANYTHING of even REMOTE value sitting out overnight on East Colfax!!!!!!

Shit.....

I had just about given up. I had made the decision that if the tab for the repairs went over five bills.....then I was gonna sign the title over to the Honda service centre, tell 'em to enjoy their new Helix, and grab a one-way flight to Reno, then a one-way flight to Portlandia and call it a trip.

The technician foned me up the next morning.....rear clutch bearing was fried, front clutch bearing was on life-support, and it really could use a new drive belt.

"$Four-Sixty-Two.....oh, and it IS a kinda rare skooter.....so the parts won't be here until Tuesday the 29th."

Aw fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Fine.....go ahead and do it!"

"Want us to overnight the parts??"

"Naw, that will have me fixed and ready to head to Reno on Saturday Morning.....and I ain't doing three 400-mile-a-day rides to git to Reno by Monday the 28th.....that defeats the entire point of this adventure! Take your time......"

"OK....great....have it ready for ya Wednesday the 30th."

So, got a one-way Amtrak ticket to Reno (LOOOVE the train!) for Saturday Morning and a one-way flight back to Denver on the 31st.

Riding back on Saturday August 2nd......so the end-of-tour party at Rockaway beach has YET AGAIN been changed back to Friday August 8th and Saturday August 9th.....


Much like how Odysseus had made animal sacrifices to the goddess Athena in hope of accelerating his safe return home to Ithaca, I have been exclusively drinking Deschutes products and Oregon Pinot Gris in the hopes of expediting MY return home.

I hope that this is the proper sacrifice that appeases The Oregon Gods.....

Still, though.....been enjoying my encore in the Denver area. Caught up with TJ briefly, and was saved by my ex-cousin-in-law, Darryn, who dragged his ass alllll the way up to East Colfax to fetch me and allowed me to crash at his pad for four nights in the beautiful remote foothills South of Castle Rock, Colorado.





























It's amazing......four episodes of Firefly on DVD rented from Blockbuster and FIFTH-ROW BOX SEATS on the third-base side during a Rockies* victory reeeaaaalllly help ease skooter-related depression.....

*Consult your doctor to see if Rockies Games are right for you and your skooter-related depression. Rockies Games are not right for everyone, and side-effects may include increased feelings of ecstasy and/or hopelessness, loud cursing at the pitching staff, and throwing things at Clint Hurdle in relation to bone-headed managerial decisions.




Coming up next from Reno.......Geography lesson part Quatre and FAQ's all about this trip.....

-E-

Days Eighty and Eighty One....

FINALLY got the hell outta Pierre on Saturday Morning......

....now, not that Pierre's a bad place or anything. Not at all.....just spent waaaay more time there then I had planned to.

Good, friendly folks there, but nonetheless, I was glad to see the back of it....

Headed due West on South Dakota State Highway 34 straight into Sturgis, South Dakota.....an easy 175 miles. Stopped off at The Knuckle saloon and had the obligatory pint at this Sturgis biker bar.

Decided that I wasn't done riding yet (plus I gained an hour going into the Mountain Time Zone) and headed off to Deadwood, and took U.S., Hwy. 385 through the heart of the Black Hills of South Dakota. Turned off at Mount Rushmore, and linked up with Iron Mountain Road, which, together with The Needles Parkway, makes it pretty clear WHY they have the huge biker rally in Sturgis every year.

After the cruise through The Black Hills, I went to Rapid City to catch up with my old friend Wrong Parts Jackson, who I used to work with in the auto parts field many, many moons ago.

He still has difficulty differentiating between a headlight and a carburetor, but he tries.....















(from l to r) Tracy, Wrong Parts, and the ASUS EEE pc.

Went to the Moose Lodge Saturday Night to watch Wrong Parts and his team in a nine-ball billiards tournament, and hung out afterwards until 2am......at which time the Meese kicked us out..... Then, on Sunday Afternoon, went down to Hermosa to stay with longtime friends Ma, Cowboy Frank, and Ann, as pictured below -



















Was still quite enraged at Dunlop for the defective tyre......this mishap pretty much cost me a lot of time I had planned to spend in Rapid City, and, because of it, I was only able to spend one day with Wrong Parts and Tracy and one day with Ma, Cowboy and Anne......really pissed me off......

Left South Dakota on Monday Morning. Was a bit saddened, as I really saw things that I didn't appreciate about the state when I resided here many, many moons ago. A few things have not changed, however. Such as the fact that most employers still pay absolute shit for wages and salaries (six of the eleven poorest counties in the United States are located within South Dakota), and I also remembered that there are two or three very religious folks in South Dakota....














Headed out of town through the Pine Ridge Reservation (Oglala Lakota), into the Town of Pine Ridge and then into Nebraska.













Took a quick swing by Carhenge in Alliance, Nebraska, and spent an uneventful evening in Sidney, Nebraska.
















Gonna hit Denver on Tuesday afternoon and see my Colorado Rockies play at Coors Field.

-E-

Day Seventy Nine.....

Had already decided to pay for one more night.....

.....at The Capital Inn and Suites for Friday Night, as I had no idea when the Helix would be set to go. They did overnight the tyre, and said that parts delivery usually arrives between 10AM and 2PM. Figuring that, at thee best case scenario, it might be ready, at best case, around 4PM Friday, I figgered, screw it, I ain't leaving Pierre around five PM to git into Rapid City around, like, 9pm Friday Night!! So, I had assumed it'd be ready at least by Saturday Morning......

Wrong again .....

......the tyre came in first thing Friday AM and it was ready to ride at 1PM Friday!

Spoke with a totally, totally humourless guy at Dunlop Consumer Affairs who had the same tone of voice and speech patterns as Joe Friday did from Dragnet. I had simply explained to the guy how, exactly, if it hadn't been for my Team Oregon training, that I'd probably be dead due to Dunlop's defective tyre, and that I want all expenses reimbursed for this shit!!!

He then asked a few basic questions, and then requested that I have the technician at Petersen's Honda-Yamaha-SheepLemming fone him.

I knew the fucking score: Yepper.....claim that I wore the tyre into the ground, beyond warranty, yadda yadda yadda.......I knew what angle this wankshaft was playing at......Cracka, Pull-EEEEEZE!!!!

Picked it up Friday Afternoon at 3PM, and spoke with Ross Petersen, the owner of the dealership. He said "Nuh-Uh! Naw....sorry. Yeah, I'll call the guy and give him a veeerrry basic overview of what I saw on the bike and the tyre, but I ain't getting between you and Dunlop. Nah....."

This had happened before to me in Buffalo involving a purchase of a iffy used car from a very dodgy dealer. The dealer basically pasted a New York State Safety Inspection sticker on the windshield and sold me the car. It went to shit a few days later. I then went to an actual, official, Mitsubishi dealership, had them re-inspect the car, and they laffed at it. "No way in highest hell could this thing pass New York State inspection." the shop manager said.

But, just like Ross Petersen, he too said "Nuh-uh. Sorry...my technicians ain't going to court on ANYBODY'S side!"

Kinda pisses me off that car and motorcycle dealership owners pull that shit. Really selfish......but they'll be thee first to take your ca$h forra repair......

So, I'm still dancing around with Dunlop. Kept the defective tyre and ALL receipts (INCLUDING the place where I purchased the defective tyre at).,....so this will drag on a while.....



Anyways, got the Helix back, shipped the defective tyre off to a friend in Buffalo, and had one more night to kill in Pierre. Having nothing else to really do in a 13,000 person state capital, I stopped by the American Legion and had a couple pints on their patio on the banks of Missouri River. Afterwards, I walked into this weird-ass little pub that played BOTH kinds of music, Country AND Western. Except they kept playing the same songs over and fucking over!!! Like this one song about a Honky-Tonk badonkadonk and this other song about these guys hitting on some chick and comparing it to baseball. Literally....like, four times every hour!!

Christ......OK.....I'll watch bad TV instead or some shit back at the motel.....

Except, as I was playing Keno and sipping my final pint there, the bartender shouts out - "Wow....rain. Ooooh......"

I state - "Cool! Great! You good folks really need it!"

"Yes we do, Sir."

.......

Then, she asks - "What the heck's goin' on with that there wind, there......??"

"Huh?"

I walk over to her at the bar, look out the front door, and see one guy in the bar walk out the door into the partially-sheltered patio out front.

He comes back in 15 seconds later - DRENCHED!!

I literally cannot remember thee last time I had seen horizontal rain......

I then see small tree branches flying......

I then hear the bartender scream at me - "Git yer' bike and put it under the shelter NOW!"

Hmmm.....probably a good idea, I thought to myself.....

The Helix was about 55 feet away from the front door patio shelter.

I start to walk out to it, and within 10 seconds, I'm absolutely soaked to the bone! I then no longer walk.......I sprint.....

It's pitch-black outside, and I'm trying to jam the key into the ignition by feel, when, suddenly, I feel a knock to my head.....

First thought: "Oh for fuck's sake......WHY is somebody trying to rob me in this miniature hurricane???? In Pierre, South Dakota, no less??"

I then look down at my feet.....

....see a several ice pellets the size of quarters on the ground.

They too, much like the rain, were flying horizontally....

This was beginning to have "SUCK" written all over it.....

I finally git the key into the ignition, turn it on, and press the start button....






......it ain't starting.






After about 30 seconds of panicking, I realise that I didn't flick the lever from "off" to "run"...........

Flick it to "run", get it started, ride it into the front door shelter, and run back inside the pub, soaking wet. The bartender kindly hands me some towels......

....I was drenched to the point where the towels literally made no difference.


Then, I hear The Siren.......

....the fucking siren.

I ask one of the two patrons remaining at the pub - "Errrmm.....what do we do in here if there's a tornado......?"





.............






"Pray"





This was no longer beginning to have "SUCK" written all over it....


....at this point, it actually ALREADY DID have "SUCK" written all over it.



Fortunately, 45 minutes later, it all blew over with no tornado.

Ride back to The Capital Inn and Suites, and just died in bed, thankful that I DID order that extra night there. Had I left at 4PM Friday towards Rapid City....I'd have been in thee middle of that hailstorm in thee middle of nowhere with no pub to duck into......

Woke up to sunshine and 86 degrees Saturday Morning......and headed off to Rapid City.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sadly, given the Mackinac Bridge nightmare, almost dying on the road in the middle of nowhere due to a defective tyre, and barely escaping a storm spraying quarter-sized hail due to simple shear luck (they DID NOT forecast this storm coming) that I bought another night in the motel............

..............call me a chicken shit..........

............I've had enuff.


British Columbia makes no geographic sense right now, and my friend Gord in Kelowna, B.C. said he'd be coming down to Portlandia shortly anyways for the End-of-Tour Party.......and that I cannot get ahold of my friends in Seattle.......oh, and I'm also homesick as all fuck, soooo.....


....I'm going home!!!!!!



So here's the newly revised schedule -


JULY 19th thru JULY 21st - Rapid City, South Dakota

JULY 22rd thru JULY 23rd - Denver, Colorado (redux - Rockies vs. Dodgers)

JULY 27th thru JULY 31st - Reno, Nevada

AUGUST 2nd thru AUGUST 4th - Rockaway Beach, Oregon - End of tour party!

AUGUST 5th - Cedar Hills, Oregon - HOME!


The plan is set for some sort of small (or large) get-together/End-of-Tour thingy at Rockaway Beach.....

.....HOWEVER, it's now on the weekend of the 2nd!

Lemme know if you is into that idea......would love to sit on the beach and drink pints with anyone and everyone and be glad that I made it home safely....

-E-

Days Seventy Seven and Seventy Eight.....

Things look so much more familiar on this side of the 100th meridian.....


Left Arlington around 1PM Wednesday, planning to make an easy 203 mile ride to Pierre (you pronounce that "pier" or "pear"), South Dakota. Made a detour to The Ingall's Homestead (of Little House on the Prairie fame) in De Smet, South Dakota and rode around in a covered wagon and spent a couple hours there. Interesting place....













Sign describing a "sodbuster" style dugout home and wooden shanty house













"Sodbuster" dugout home.....was very cool inside, considering how hot it was outside....













Granpa Bob and his covered wagon




Vid of covered wagon ride....















Future draught horses for the covered wagon team....

Interesting place.......worth a go if you're ever in the area.

Headed out of there finally around, like, 3:45pm Wednesday afternoon, stopped at a Dairy Queen in the middle of nowhere for some water, and headed off to finish the remaining distance to Pierre, which was my destination for the evening.

I was on U.S. Hwy. 14, a road surrounded by wheat and corn fields as far as the eye could see. Having grown up watching Little House on the Prairie, I was about fifteen miles East of Pierre, thinking about how the TV show totally warped the timeline of events and geographic places as opposed to what actually happened WHEN and WHERE in Laura Ingalls Wilder's life......


......when I heard this very loud *POP*

"Hmmm.....engine is not that badly outta tune to backfire......" I wondered aloud to myself...."That's a bit odd....."


Then, all hell broke loose.

Five seconds after the loud *POP*, the back end of The Helix was fishtailing outta control, as if it were on a sheer sheet of ice......

At 65-70 M.P.H., this was almost a shit-the-pants moment.....and forra lot of people, it probably woulda been.

Except I was too busy putting my safety course riding skills to work and gritting my teeth to be bothered with involuntary deification.



To this moment, I still have no idea how I kept the skooter from rolling and crashing. It's kinda a blur.....only thing can recall is doing the Buffalo-style winter driving maneuver.....brake ON [one second] - brake OFF [three seconds] - brake ON [one second] - brake OFF [three seconds].....but THEE FRONT BRAKE ONLY!!

Glad I remembered that little part (mighta hadta scrape my ass off of the pavement had I hammered on the rear brake)....

I eventually get The Helix to the shoulder, and stop hyper-ventilating. OK....cool.....I'm alive.....I'm calm....it's allright....

Then I try to analyse just WHAT the hell actually happened!

OK....rear tyre died. Cool......allright.

Now....why?



Puncture?

No nail...no object found either in or near my tyre.....nor on the road (I DID go back and look), and a puncture loses air somewhat slowly (like, 30 to 90 seconds) and doesn't create a loud, gunshot-like *POP*......

Tyre tread over-wear? Remember that cute little incident on the way to The Ocean, E???

Nope....sorry. Still had healthy tread on it. Nothing even close to steel cables showing!!

Well, then....what the fuck????

THIS is what the fuck!!!! It's called a DEFECTIVE TYRE!!















Uhhhh......yeah.....looks like I'm gonna hafta have a little arrangement with the good folks at Dunlop regarding this incident.

Jesus....and, twenty posts or so ago, I was praising their tyres as being durable and very long-lasting.......

.....spoke too soon, I guess.

Hung out with Farmer Wood (whose farm I had almost died in front of) in thee absolute middle of Nowheresville, South Dakota. Offered me some water, and, as a severe lightning storm appeared to be forming, he told me to drag my skooter into his garage. No worries, though....the severe storm had just formed directly BEHIND me (to the East), so it was going towards where I had left. Sunny on the Western horizon....

Great guy, Farmer Wood...typical South Dakotan...wish I had gotten his fotograff......I was still a bit too freaked out over the whole episode to think about taking pics for this thing.

Snagged a very dodgy cell signal (somehow) and called AAA. They showed up about an hour later ('cause they were outta Pierre, which was fifteen miles down the road)....and then there was a dispute as to whether or not the dispatcher informed them that it WAS A MOTORCYCLE/SKOOTER they were picking up.

So they didn't bring tie-down straps!

This was identical to my Tallahassee AAA experience!

So they hafta take off back towards Pierre, grab some tie-down straps, and come back to git me.

Normally, I'd be quite irritated.......but I sat there and fucking laffed about it! It was around 8:00pm, getting cool (a VERY welcome thing to be rid of the heat), raining behind me (from the severe lightning storm).......


....and, I was alive and breathing!!


Amazing how useless screaming about piddley shit suddenly becomes when you almost die.......


Couple motorists stopped and kindly asked of there was anything that they could do for me. Again, typical South Dakotans......thanked thrm profusely and told 'em AAA was on it's way.

Got my bike into Pierre, and dropped it in front of Peterson's Motorcyles in Downtown Pierre. They're the local Honda, Yamaha and Sheep-Lemming motorcycle dealership.......actually, thee only motorcycle place for, like, sixty miles.

So the AAA guy kindly rides me and some of my gear to a nearby motel. I ain't gonna mention the name, 'cause the guy at the front desk was pretty cool in not charging me after I'd been in the room for, like, 45 minutes.

But after I check in, I go to the bathroom, and there's this dead bug on it's back on the floor of the bathroom. Cool.....I pick it up with a Kleenex, toss it in the toilet, and ignore it.

Then, see a few more in the main room area on the carpet and some almonds lying on the floor!

I mean, I was ecstatic that I didn't die, and shoulda just ignored the entire thing......but I really didn't want to cuddle up to bugs in bed in a room that hasn't been cleaned since FDR's administration.










































Head out to the office -

"Uhhh.....Dude, there's, like, dead cockroaches or some shit all over that room....."

"Oh.....yeah, you're door faces the heavily tree'd side......those are just beetles"

"Well, shit! They're all over my room....."


He was somewhat cool about not charging me. "Well, I gave ya this room for $39.95, and ya won't get that rate anywhere else in this town!"

"Errrmmm......actually, I passed a place whilst being towed in on the main drag called The Capital Inn and Suites that had a sign for $39.95, sooo....."

"Well, I see you've done your shopping....."

"Naw, not really......just happened to glance at it and noticed it on the way in......"


So I walk the 25 minutes to The Capital Inn and Suites. Get a room, ask if it's fairly clean, and the guy shows me some sort of State of South Dakota award for cleanliness that they'd received.

Decent sized room.....veeeerrrry clean.....NIIIICE people running the place. Don't mind The Capital Inn and Suites at all. I'm content!!

So, like, four people in Pierre that I'd told the story to of what happened all stated that Peterson's is a large place, with a big-ass warehouse, and there'd be no worries: They'd have my tyre in stock. They still stated this after I told folks it is kinda a rare skooter and I didn't think they'd carry the tyre in stock.

Nooooo dice!! Sixty buxx additional to overnight it in! (Not that I really cared much......this is all going to go on Dunlop's tab anyways, sooo......).

Soooo....stuck here in Pierre. Not a bad place, really....they DO have a Taco John's (which, to me, is like how native Californians feel about In-N-Out Burger), and a few nice lounges, and I got a complimentary drink coupon at the local steakhouse just for staying at The Capital Inn and Suites......

It is alleged that I should be roadworthy and set to head towards Rapid City on Saturday early morning.....we'll see.....

-E-

Days Seventy Three thru Seventy Six...

......left Marquette on the Upper Peninsula on a cloudy Sunday morning. "No worries" I figured. It'll get sunny shortly. Took off in a T-Shirt and shorts.....

....after, like, sixty miles, I had to don full gear (Carhartt, thick hoodie sweatshirt, rain pants, hiking shoes and gloves). Dropped from 68 degrees to about 57. NOT fun when rising a skooter at 55-65 MPH.

Stopped at Odanah, Wisconsin - Easy 178 mile ride.....cheap, really nice hotel at the Bad River Band's casino (didn't see a river, but can't imagine it being too bad) for, like, forty buxx.

FAR preferable to that fucking joke of a Days Inn in Marquette that I got raped for $60 at and given a room that, by comparison, makes -

A) - A walk-in closet seem kinda roomy
B) - Any basic room at a Microtel seem like a suite and
C) - A standard hotel room in Europe seem fucking palatial.

No Internet provided by the Ojibwe , but I survived....the Ojibwe quickly made back the $20 difference from me at their casino.....

....on the next day, the Ojibwe Nation's best hockey coach got the ax.

- Left Odanah on Monday Afternoon and crossed into Minnesota at Duluth. I had never been to Duluth (or, on the other side of the crossing, Superior, Wisconsin), but I always had images in my mind of it being this old port with tons of huge grain silos and a few rusted-out husks of old factories.......wasn't too far off from what I had pictured.....





























Cruised into St. Cloud, Minnesota Monday Night and spent an hour scouring motels that had the basic necessities of life - specifically, a bed, a smoking room, Internet Access and preferably some sort of coin laundry (hadn't done laundry since I had left Niagara Falls). There were a couple nicer motels for, like, 34 buxx that almost fit the bill....but no Internet. Wasn't gonna spend the evening nightclubbing around St. Cloud (as Minnesota bans smoking in bars, thus, none of my funds were going there), so I needed all of the motel room prerequisites. Found a Motel 6 that had most of 'em (except for some sort of laundry facility)........so I took it.

Now, I had been veeery leery of Motel 6 since the Red Stick episode (Le épisode du Baton Rouge) about six weeks ago, as well as a stay I had in a Motel 6 in Benton Harbour, Michigan about 14 years ago. Said that I wanted to see the room first, saw it, walked around the grounds, felt fine, and stayed there for forty buxx.

There is absolutely NOTHING interesting about St. Cloud, Minn. It's a mildly sprawling 60,000 person town with nothing really fascinating about it at all. Foks were very friendly there, food was great......but the sort of place you'd grow tired of after about four hours.

- Easy 174 miles in to Arlington, South Dakota. WAS gonna stay in Brookings, South Dakota, but rode past it and found Arlington (an agricultural community of about 900 souls) to be cheaper via research on the Internet.

Found it to be friendlier as well. GREAT folk, nice hotel room for forty-four buxx, so everything worked out. Did laundry at the laundromat there (a rather strange looking brick structure) and I ended up closing the bar.













When you really need to do your laundry whilst investigating where exactly to store your grain.....














Downtown Arlington, South Dakota














The Schmidty's Tavern 2AM crew (l to r) - unknown, unknown, Randy, Jules and Currin

Couple things that refreshed my memory about South Dakota -

• GREAT folk! The people in this state are thee nicest you'll meet anywhere. I had resided in the Western part of South Dakota many, many, many moons ago, and had grown to love the citizenry here (left because ALL the jobs paid absolute piss!). Nothing has changed in that regard (in the regard to the very friendly people here.....although I'm sure that they still all get paid a rubbish hourly wage).

• RED beer. Now, when I used to live here, I could never grasp the concept. I mean, I despise tomatoes and all of their derivatives (save for pizza, spaghetti and chili), so the idea of mixing two shit products (Budweiser and tomato juice) has always held about as much appeal to me as spending a week in the tropics - namely, none at all! I'd seen red beer in a few places around the Intermountain West, but they don't drink larger quantities of it anywhere then right here in South Dakota! Hell, specifically for the South Dakota market, Pudweiser/InBred (Budweiser-InBev) has introduced a new canned red beer beverage of Bud and Clamato......
  

• WHY the hell is something called "Unleaded Plus" on huge signs at gas stations here, like, ten cents a gallon cheaper than normal unleaded?? Ahhh......right......NOW I remember - Just like back when I resided here, the "normal unleaded" is the standard 87 octane (85 octane west of the Missouri River allegedly due to elevation [DO NOT get me started on that - I'll explain this later on how the Oil Companies and petrol refineries have hoodwinked the state legislatures in the Rocky Mountain West into saying that it IS legal for 85 octane petrol to be labeled as "standard unleaded" by using that wonderful trick known as 'bad science']), while "Unleaded Plus" is 89 octane....but....BUT....BUT......

....the 89 octane Unleaded Plus has that Ethanol shit in it!!

And that's it.

Either way, NONE of that shit's going into The Helix!!

If I cannot locate Ethanol-free 91 or 93 octane petrol.....I'll put the regular 87 Unleaded into it, and then run to an auto parts store and buy a bottle of hard-core octane booster.

Sorry about that!! I know Ethanol in petrol is good and Lefty and environmentally-friendly and helps our farmers and all that shit......

....but I still have fresh memories of a $200 carburetor cleaning on The Helix caused by ethanol petrol in Oregon from earlier this year!!

When the farmers and Environmentalists care to pay for my carb being cleaned all the time....then Ethanol it'll be for my vehicles!!

Off to the Little House on The Prairie tomorrow....

-E-

Days Seventy Two and Seventy Three....

......I eagerly await breaking through the time-zone barrier tomorrow on my Helix, thus placing me only two time zones away from my homeland.

Left Imlay City, Michigan (located in a region of Michigan called "The Thumb" where, if you look at a map of Michigan, it'll become obvious - hell, even a prison here is called "Thumb Correctional Facility") on Friday afternoon under veeerrry dodgy looking skies. I was NOT up for doing 273 miles in a pissing thunder and lightning storm. Turned out just to be cloudy the entire ride, and that was great by me. No sun at all.....no drenching rain......just perfect....

Made it up to Cheboygan, Michigan. Absolutely nothing unusual or of any interest whatsoever in Cheboygan....just walked into a bar (named "Club 27") that literally looked like it was straight out of 1948 outside and inside....looked like the place where your grandfather would take your grandmother for a thick steak and a double scotch on the rocks followed by a pack of unfiltered Pall Malls.

No grandfolks that evening.....I was thee only person in the entire bar at 8PM on a Friday Night, so I played a 1980's era pinball machine, and left after a pint. Felt bad for the bartender......he looked really bored.....

Despite displaying some charm and possissing geographic beauty (being on Lake Huron, right near where it meets up with the Northern part of Lake Michigan), the whole town possessed that dated, worn look.

Saw some interesting sights on the backroads of Northern Michigan, though -

- Some sort of motorcycle rally was going on all week around Rose City, Michigan. I swung by a bar/motel/bowling alley in the absolute middle of nowhere, and had a pint. Saw a big fenced off area outdoors where a bunch of motorcycle people had gathered and were playing a version of horseshoes.

The version they were playing did not involve steel shoes and a stake protruding out of the ground, however. Naw, what I saw were a bunch of Harley guys throwing used toilet seats towards toilet plungers protruding upwards out of the ground.

Errmm.......riiiiggghhht......

WAS gonna take a fotograff, but, for reasons of my personal safety, thought better of that idea.

- DID snap some picks of a couple interesting signs, though.....

































A place for the lady or gentleman who wishes to be impeccably groomed for their next gun battle.




































I really dunno about this one.....given the sign and the colour of the building......there's just something so wrong about this......

- Oh....my camera somehow decided, on it's own, to partition the SD memory card. So it created a new partition for files on it. Thus, I was wondering just WHERE the hell my pics went ('cause, I wasn't dancing on the tables that night I took the fotograff, so I DO remember taking that pic). Found the pic I mentioned as being lost in the last post of friends at Alternative Brews......

















Kimmer, Staranne and Darryl at Alternative Brews.

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Left Saturday Morning out of Cheboygan......

.....and had a mostly uneventful ride of 179 miles to Marquette Michigan. Had wanted to stay at some sort of mom-n-pop motel right on the southern shore of Lake Superior (as this would be the last time in a while where I can be near water), but given that it's the Upper Peninsula, along with that it's the middle of July on a Saturday......there was no room at the inn....so I settled for Marquette.

I really, really liked Marquette.....really cool historical downtown area, very friendly folk, and right on the south shore of Lake Superior. Winters there, though, are painful.....like, reeeaaalllly painful.....like, 30 degrees below zero painful. Considering how de-acclimated to extreme cold I've actually become......dunno if this place would ever be considered as an option.

Only interesting events on the ride from Cheboygan were -

- Having thee most beautiful, yet most dangerous ride yet on this trip! The Mackinac Bridge crossing. Sheeee-IT!! Crossing over five miles of water on a high suspension arch over two of the three largest bodies of water inside North America with parts of it on steel-grate decking (like the Steel Bridge in PDX) and winds that are just unreal, plus mild vertigo setting in.......it's no wonder that on the FAQ's of the Mackinac Bridge Authority web site, you'll find the following:

What if I am not comfortable about driving across the bridge?

Answer:

The Mackinac Bridge Authority has a "Drivers Assistance Program" that provides drivers for those uncomfortable with driving across the Mackinac Bridge. If you are traveling northbound, there is a phone at the south end of the bridge. Instructions for using the phone are posted in the phone box. If you are southbound, just ask a fare collector for assistance. There is no additional fee for this service.

Can you provide information about riding motorcycles across the Mackinac Bridge?

Answer:

Motorcycles are allowed to cross the Mackinac Bridge. The fare for a motorcycle is $2.50 per crossing. Extra axles and/or sidecars on motorcycles are $1.25 each. Motorcycle crossings for 1998 were 29,790 and 29,113 in 1999. Some motorcyclists are not comfortable about driving on the steel grating (inside lane) of the suspended portion of the bridge. If you are uncomfortable with driving your motorcycle across the bridge, arrangements can be made to have someone drive it for you.

I mean, people who ride Sheep-Lemming Ultra-glides and Road Kings and Honda Goldwings say this crossing is hell on a nice day! I mean, I'm on a 325 lb. skooter.......

......I made it across with no issues. Hadta stop at the rest area at the other side of the bridge to stop hyper-ventilating, though, after I crossed.

Shit.....and I thought that riding through snow in the Rockies of Colorado sucked......

Though I was unaware of the ride-my-bike-for-me service the Bridge Authority offers.......I still doubt that I woulda taken them up on the offer.

- The other interesting that I noticed is that throughout the Upper Peninsula, there are a huge amount of pasty shops all over the place. Now, when I think of pasties, I think of the times I'd killed multiple pints at various pubs in the U.K., where, afterward, friends would ask - "E, you fancy a pasty, then?" But apparently, there's a history of the delicacy here in the U.P., as Wikipedia explains below -

Parts of Wisconsin, the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, and the Iron Range of northern Minnesota. In some of these areas, pasties are a significant tourist attraction, including an annual Pasty Fest in Calumet, Michigan in early July. Pasties in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan have a particularly unusual history, as a small influx of Finnish immigrants followed the Cornish miners in 1864. These Finns (and many other ethnic groups) adopted the pasty for use in the Copper Country copper mines. About 30 years later, a much larger flood of Finnish immigrants found their countrymen baking pasties, and assumed that it was a Finnish invention. As a result, the pasty has become strongly associated with Finnish culture in this area.^[2]











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Ya know, ya gotta love it when......

.....the bank you have a Certificate of Deposit with has the F.D.I.C. kick down the doors and take over at 3PM on a Friday.....

.....fortunately, my CD is so minuscule, that it's fully insured.....or so they say.....

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Gonna try to make Duluth, Minnesota on Sunday evening, St. Cloud, Minnesota on Monday evening and Brookings, South Dakota on Tuesday Evening.....

More shortly.....

-E-