Terrell Owens once said.......

.......about himself that, when he goes out on the football field, you should “Get yer popcorn ready, ‘cause I’m gonna put on a show!!”

Well, when I go out wiff my camera, I’m saying get your scrapbooks ready, ’cause you don’t know WHAT the fuck I’m gonna shoot……

……and, now, this week – I hadta get some sort of security clearance criminal background check for my job to prove that I’m not a threat to life, liberty, and the pursuit of Vietnam-ness…..

….Tam suggested that, in order to help facilitate this, we pay a visit to an old drinking buddy of mine -




Yep - That'd be The Captain and myself.....


Waaaaaai......waaaaaay a sec: "Background check for your job??" I thought you already HAD a job?? Huh....?


OK.....OK....less back up a bit here.

Right, so, shortly before I had moved into my new house, circa mid-April, I had been working for the past three months at the Dang Tuan Language Center. It was fun, enjoyable, and I really enjoyed teaching my students Tieng Anh (English)!

After a while, though, there became more and more disagreements about things and issues that were previously agreed upon, and much tension was in the air. Around the middle of April, it became intolerable, and I had felt that it would be best for ALL parties that I no longer continue my employment there, so I handed in my resignation letter, giving a full month's notice before my last teaching date.

I was summoned in to a meeting the next day with Mr. Tuan. There, he and the former school coordinator, had told me that they felt that it was in the school's best interest that I be terminated immediately. I was slightly surprised, but not deeply saddened. I enjoyed my job, it was just that we didn't see eye-to-eye on several issues. I was immediately paid my correct final salary and I was about to leave, when Mr. Tuan and the former coordinator went to shake my hand! I shook hands and smiled. Then, we had a foto shoot, where there were smiles all around. It was certainly thee strangest firing I had attended, but we gave final firm handshakes, and I left. We had went separate ways on very good terms.......

......or so I thought!

Anyways, Tam had handed in HER resignation notice two months earlier and she had been canned the next day (but I don't think that she got the happy ending at HER firing ceremony that I got). So she was in the process of opening her own English Language school, and had asked me if I would come and work there!

Now, I had NO plans after the canning, and I HAD thought about hopping off to Ha Noi, Da Nang, or another town in Viet Nam and going on my merry way there. But I decided to stick around Hai Phong, having just signed a lease on a house and also having accumulated much rubbish (read: Material possessions) and I really didn't feel like hauling them all over Viet Nam nor trying to sell them after just buying them.....so I took the job.

Since my B-3 Business Visa was gonna expire in July, and with the end of the U.S. economic depression NOWHERE in sight for the foreseeable future, I had decided to spend seven weeks back in The States to finalise my affairs and say my goodbyes as I planned on being in Viet Nam for at least 18 months at the minimum.....probably two years, and maybe longer!

It was sometime in the middle of my stay in America (maybe early-mid July) when The Calls came......

.......

.....Tam was calling, explaining to me that some police guy was calling her, and strong-arming her for money, because it had been reported by Tuan to the Authorities that our school had lacked the proper paperwork to operate as a school.

"Errrmmm......Tam?? What THE FUCK is this all about????"

Apparently, to make a long story short - somebody had posted an article, written a blog, or something like that, about Tuan's school. This piece had been taken down before I got a chance to read it, but the gist that I was told about it was that it encouraged foreogn teachers to stay away from there because he rips them off.

So, because Tuan thought that I wrote this piece, and that, because Tam was close to me - he would start sending the Authorities after her school.

Needless to say - this pissed me off to NO end, and I was gonna jump thee next plane to Hai Phong and contact certain well-placed Government friends of mine and have HIS school investigated for several operating violations - but a few friends of mine pleaded with me and talked me out of it.......

WHY he picked ME as writing this thing, I'll never know - apparently, he doesn't realise that he has more than a few disgruntled former employees.....I wouldn't even say that I was a disgruntled employee - Tuan and I just didn't agree on certain things and that was it!!

....still, though, we paid off the bribes, and did all of the paperwork, and now we're legit. And apparently Tuan heard that I was back in town and that I was VERY angry and suddenly, the uninvited visits from the police and the Hai Phong Department of Education and training stopped.

Fine by me - if he stops bothering my school....I won't bother his....and we'll all be happy......

....still, though, I can't help but to feel a bit betrayed! I mean, I was under the impression that we had parted ways on good terms...and THEN he goes and accuses me of THIS? Whatever.....



BUT, whilst I was in The States, Tam did a great job with her school, QUADRUPLED enrollment from 25 to 100-plus in eight weeks, and basically busted her ass making things work - mega kudos to her for that!

www.ETEnglishcenter.com

But things almost got out of hand with the fast growth - we've had to hire staff, take in greater revenue, pay out greater expenses......just been keeping me reeeeaaallllly busy even since I got off of the plane here in Hai Phong a few weeks ago.......so, yeah, it's a bit crazy! I'm very busy.....I have no time to play games with a little man like Tuan.....

.....still, though - I wish I had seen that web page before it got taken down....probably woulda been good forra chuckle!

-E-

WHERE was me, again....?

Right - took a long-ass break to head back to The States......and, before that, I was talking about....

....CAPTAIN BRIBE!

Right, so, let's go back in time and finish up what had happened before I left for North America.....

....today, we are gonna talk about the delicacies available in Vietnam.

Now, I am NOT what one would call an "adventurous eater" (though, I HAVE dined at Mighty Taco a few times in the past), and, actually, I am very picky about what I like to eat. Needless to say, in terms of food, I shoulda went to another country.

No, I AM NOT criticizing Vietnamese food....but....honestly.....errrmmm....it's just not for me! I mean, yeah, I can eat rice and noodles and the WONDERFUL bread that they bake here (a sort of left-over cultural effect from the French colonial days), and, of course, the Phố Bà, but everything else....errrmmmm....doesn't really appeal to me - again: I'M A PICKY EATER!!! I'm not even huge on AMERICANISED Vietnamese food, like in restaurants in Portland......

So, I had discovered a Western restaurant on Minh Khai called "Texas Bar-B-Que". It does ribs OK (NOT great, but edible), good garlic bread, decent spaghetti, GREAT apple crumble, and horrible pizza and chili. But I had seen on their menu one of my all-time favourites: cánh gà or, "Wing of Chicken".......

....allright - THIS should be good forra laff, I thought to myself.

Well, it wasn't a laffing matter - the wings had not been left to deep fry in the oil long enuff, and the sauce was basically Tabasco sauce.

It brought me much dishonour, being from Western New York an' all.....

PLUS, they hit you fiddy-thousand Dong for FOUR WINGS!!! That's, like, seventy-five cents per wing! In Hai Phong, that is VEERRRRY much on the pricey side.....

....so whass an estranged Buffaloian to do?

Do what all estranged Buffaloians shoulda done before they left: Take matters into my own hands!

So, I went to one of the two hypermarkets in town (Metro - Big C is the other), and found cánh gà in the meats section (but they were still together - like they serve 'em in the Southern U.S. - ya gotta cut them through the bones into wing SECTIONS to make them authentic), found cooking oil, and actually found (I couldn't believe this) a deep-fat fryer!

Well, I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT going to tarnish my wings with Tabasco sauce.....and there ain't no Frank's here, so I figgered, for the sauce, that I hadta improvise.

There's a little shack (literally, it IS very small and shack-like) just offa Broadway on W. 1st Avenue in Denver called "Hot Wings To Go". Now, this place is very unassuming, and does NOT go out and advertise and scream "WE MAKE THEE BEST BUFFALO WINGS ANYWHERE!!!" or any rubbish like that.

But they DO make good wings....

......so, amongst their four or five varieties of wing sauce flavours, there is a flavour called "Singapore Hot"....which is this weird, spicy, hot, tangy, sour, salty kind of sauce that I had tried and absolutely fell in love with!

Over the years whilst residing in Denver, I was actually able to replicate this sauce, and make it a teeny bit tastier than the original. So, since I'm a lot closer to Singapore right now than Hot Wings To Go is, I figured that I could scrounge up the needed ingredients here at Metro hypermarket and a few beakers and test tubes, and away I went!!!

I needed guinea pigs, though. I mean, this was the first time I had attempted to make wings on foreign soil, using ONLY locally available ingredients....so I hadta try 'em out on somebody.

So I called the family I used to live with and asked 'em if I could make them lunch. They were willing participants, and away I went over to my old house, with my deep-fat-fryer, and all the sauce ingredients in tow on my skooter.....



(no, the over-sized Vietnamese grapefruit was NOT part of the ingredients, but they are reeeaaallly good, and they may yet become part of the ingredients of this sauce in the future)






















Hang cutting the wings.......

Soooo.....I fried 'em up, blended the sauce. I was scared - I mean, these folks had never had chicken wings the way that we are used to 'em......so I didn't know WHAT to expect! But they got a nice reception! Cuong (the father of the family I had resided with) brought in some beer, and I proclaimed "THIS is the food of my people....."



























Apparently, they got SUCH a nice reception from my Vietnamese family, that I had been asked to come back as soon as possible and make them AGAIN! Was a bit busy, but I promised them that I'd be back in a coupla weeks to make my cánh gà again for them. I was very honoured by the compliments that I had received from Ngoc, Hang and Cuong about my wings....

....So, my buddy Suzanne was having a house party the next week, and it was a sort of potluck dinner. So, I had decided to try my wings out on Hai Phong's miniscule Foreigner population.....THIS should be an interesting response, I figgered.....

.....well.....didn't hafta figger TOO long.....

.....thirty wings got inhaled by six Tay in LITERALLY a matter of three minutes.

Emmmmm-Kay.....

DID make it back a few weeks later to my old house, and served Cuong, Hang and Ngoc another batch of my wings.....

...apparently, expressing their delight with these wings wasn't good enough for them.....

....they got placed at the Altar of the Ancestors.....

























Literally, I nearly shit myself! I mean, I know my wings are GOOD, but, Christ, to be placed at a family's altar?? I was speechless and dumbfounded......I mean, I didn't know what to say......

...probably the most important honour I have received in my entire life.....especially considering that Hang's a DEVOUT Buddist (chants every other morning and such), and that things don't just get dropped at the family altar willy-nilly.....

Brought back over a gallon of actual Frank's Red Hot with me from Buffalo.......

....the ancestors must be licking their chops now.



Few more stories.....this time, about a trip to a private island, and a change in employment (which, pretty much everyone already knows about by now) coming up within the next week.....

...really....within one week...this time I mean it!!!


-E-